I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
