Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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