i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
