This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
