Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
