my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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