I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
