she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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