you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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