i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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