Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
