Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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