Fuck appropriateness.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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