I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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