Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
