Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
