Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
