Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
