Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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