I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
