This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
