I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize