OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
