I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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