The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
