and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
