You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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