why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
