Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize