my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
