Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
