you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
