Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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