i was born a porn star she said
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
