Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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