I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
