Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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