Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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