THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
