i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
