walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
