I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
