my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
