oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
