do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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