I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
jump out the window naked night went bad
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