SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
