The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
even my farts smell like vagina
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
