If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
