put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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