I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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