Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
