I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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