its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
