You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
