I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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