I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
