luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
