I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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