I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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