I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
