Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
