i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
