she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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